Partners and Families
Therapy for Partners and Families of Addicts
Loving someone with an addiction can leave you on alert all the time, waiting for the next lie, the next phone call, the next crisis. This page is about you: your nervous system, your boundaries and your own healing, whether or not they change.
Living on high alert
When someone you love is drinking or using, your attention can quietly reorganize around them. You count drinks, read their eyes, listen for the car and lie awake working out what tomorrow will bring. That vigilance made sense. It was protection. Over time, though, it can cost you sleep, health, friendships and any sense of what you want for yourself. This kind of strain is a form of relational trauma, and trauma therapy is my primary specialty.
- Checking their phone, their breath or the bank account
- Covering for them with family, friends or work
- Feeling responsible for keeping them sober
- Relief when they are gone, then guilt about the relief
- Losing track of what you want or need
Broken trust and betrayal
Addiction often travels with secrets: hidden money, broken promises, lies about where they were, sometimes infidelity. Each discovery can land like a small earthquake, and the person who should be your safe place becomes someone you have to watch. That is betrayal, and your body may respond with the same checking, replaying and sleeplessness described on the page for betrayal trauma therapy. You do not have to minimize it because they were struggling.
Stability first, with Seeking Safety ideas
Before anything else, we look at what helps you stay present and safe now. Seeking Safety is a present-focused approach for building stability when trauma and unsafe coping are intertwined, and I hold a certification in Seeking Safety. Here, that can mean noticing when your own coping has started to cost you, such as going without sleep, cutting off friends or living in constant crisis mode, and building steadier ways through the hard nights.
Your safety, physical and emotional, comes first in this work. Safety comes before breakthrough, and we move as fast as your nervous system allows and as slow as your story requires. If there are older wounds underneath, we get to them when you are steady enough, and not before. You can say no to a topic and nothing bad happens.
Boundaries you can actually keep
Boundaries are about what you will do, not about controlling what they do. That difference matters, because their choices are not yours to manage. We work on specific, keepable boundaries: what you will and will not pay for, where you will be if they are using, what you will say to family and friends, which conversations you will step away from. Small, clear steps are easier to hold than dramatic ultimatums.
If saying no brings a wave of guilt, that guilt usually has a history, and it is worth working with directly. Guilt is not proof that a boundary is wrong. The page on people pleasing goes deeper into it. If faith shapes how you think about loyalty, forgiveness or marriage, we can bring that into the room too, but only if you want it.
Growing up with a parent's addiction
If you grew up with a parent who drank or used, you may have learned rules early: keep the peace, do not talk about it, be the responsible one, never need anything. Those rules got you through. As an adult, they can show up as over-functioning at work, feeling most comfortable when someone needs rescuing, or deep discomfort with being cared for yourself. Family of origin trauma work looks at where those rules came from and which ones you want to keep.
Your healing, whether or not they change
Their recovery belongs to them. Your healing does not have to wait for it. You can work on your own steadiness, your boundaries and your sense of self no matter what they decide this month. In time, you also get to decide what you want for the relationship: to stay, to leave, or to wait and see. Individual sessions cost $190 for 50 minutes or $275 for 80 minutes, and the first appointment is an 80-minute initial assessment at $275. You can meet at the Southwest Austin office on Fridays and select other times, or by telehealth anywhere in Texas.
Common Questions
Do they have to be in recovery for me to start?
No. This work is about you, and your healing does not have to wait for them to change. You can begin wherever things stand right now.
Is this only for spouses?
No. Partners, spouses and adult children of someone with an addiction are all welcome. The focus stays on your experience and your own healing.
Can I meet by telehealth?
Yes. Secure video sessions are available anywhere in Texas, in English or Spanish, as long as you are located in Texas during the session. Choose a private spot where you can speak freely.
The consultation is free and there is no obligation on either side.
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