Betrayal Trauma
Betrayal Trauma Therapy
Betrayal trauma is the work I take on most deliberately. When trust has been broken by the person you relied on, steadiness comes before big decisions, and there is room here for the checking, the anger, the grief and the uncertainty.
When the person you relied on becomes the danger
Discovering an affair, hidden spending or a long-running secret does something specific to the nervous system: it turns the person you relied on into the source of the danger. Your mind and body respond as if you are under threat, because in a real sense you are. You may barely recognize yourself. You might be checking phones and statements, replaying old conversations for clues, unable to eat or sleep, swinging between rage and numbness in a single afternoon.
This does not mean you are losing your mind, and it does not mean you are overreacting. It is what a nervous system does when the ground it stood on suddenly gives way. Betrayal trauma is a kind of relational trauma, and it belongs within the broader trauma therapy that is the primary specialty here. These are some of the experiences that can come with it.
- Looping thoughts and searching for more evidence
- Feeling foolish for having trusted
- Body responses you cannot talk yourself out of
- Replaying the timeline in the middle of the night
- No longer knowing what was true about your own past
I know this pain well
I have experienced betrayal and the end of a Christian marriage myself. I do not share that to make your story about mine, and I will not assume your path has to look like my path. I share it so you know you are not talking with someone who only understands this from a textbook. The heartache, the shame, the voice that says you should have known: I know this pain well, and I will not rush you through it.
Steadiness first: slowing the checking and the replaying
Before any big decision, we work on what is happening in your body and in your nights. That might mean grounding when a reminder floods you, noticing the urge to check and what it promises, and finding ways through the hours when sleep will not come. Mindfulness-based practice helps you come back into the body when the mind has raced ahead to the next discovery. CBT helps you catch the looping thought, test it and practice a response that serves you better.
None of this asks you to stop caring or to calm down on command. It is about giving you enough steadiness to think clearly again. We move as fast as your nervous system allows and as slow as your story requires. If you want concentrated time early on, a trauma healing intensive offers one to three days of carefully paced work, with breaks built in.
Then the decision: repair or a clear-eyed exit
Once you are steadier, we turn to what you want to decide. Some relationships move toward repair. Some end. My job is not to steer you toward either one. It is to help you choose from your own values instead of from panic, pressure or fear of what people will think. A clear-eyed exit and a committed attempt at repair both deserve respect, and both take courage.
If you and your partner choose to work on the relationship together, couples therapy draws on Emotionally Focused Therapy ideas to get beneath the recurring argument to the need and fear underneath it. If the marriage is ending, divorce care offers room to grieve, steady co-parenting and rebuild who you are. Neither decision has to be made this week, and neither has to be made alone.
Faith, forgiveness and your timeline
If faith matters to you, betrayal can tangle with questions about your vows, about forgiveness and about what God is asking of you. You may feel pressure, from inside or from others, to forgive before you have even understood what happened. My seminary training means I can bring faith, anger, forgiveness and reconciliation into the work when you ask for that, through Christian counseling. Forgiveness can be explored on your timeline, not anyone else's. Faith is never assumed or introduced without your say-so.
How sessions work
Individual sessions are $190 for 50 minutes or $275 for 80 minutes, and every new start begins with an 80-minute initial assessment at $275. Couples sessions, if you reach that point together, are $215 for 50 minutes or $300 for 80 minutes. You can meet at the Southwest Austin office on Fridays and select other times, or by telehealth anywhere in Texas. If you are still sharing a home, choose a private spot for telehealth where you can speak freely.
Common Questions
Do I need to decide right away whether to stay or leave?
No. Steadiness comes before big decisions, so we start by slowing the checking, the replaying and the sleeplessness. Then we work on what you want to decide, whether that is repair or a clear-eyed exit.
Can my partner and I come in together?
Couples sessions are available at $215 for 50 minutes or $300 for 80 minutes, in person or by telehealth. Whether to begin with individual or couples sessions is something we can talk through on the free 15-minute consultation.
Is faith part of betrayal trauma therapy?
Only if you want it to be. I am seminary trained, and faith, anger, forgiveness and reconciliation can be part of the work when you ask for that. Faith is never assumed or introduced without your say-so.
What if the betrayal happened years ago?
It still counts. A betrayal that was never fully worked through can keep showing up in your body and your relationships long afterward, and you can start wherever you are now.
The consultation is free and there is no obligation on either side.
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