Couples Work
Emotionally Focused Couples Work
When the same argument keeps coming back in different clothes, the topic is rarely the real problem. In couples work I draw on Emotionally Focused Therapy ideas to move beneath the recurring argument to the need and fear underneath it.
Beneath the Recurring Argument
You may know the script by heart. One of you raises something small, the other hears criticism, voices rise or someone goes quiet, and an hour later neither of you can remember how it started. The subject changes from week to week: chores, money, in-laws, phones. The pattern does not. Emotionally Focused Therapy ideas treat that pattern as the problem, rather than either partner. Underneath it there is usually a need, like wanting to matter or to be chosen, and a fear, like being too much or never enough.
Instead of Deciding Who Is Right
You may come in hoping someone will finally settle who is right. I will not do that, and not because I am dodging the question. Instead, we trace the moment each partner stops feeling safe or understood. We slow a recent argument down to the second it turned: the tone, the look, the silence, what each of you felt in your body and what you told yourself it meant. Seen that slowly, two people who looked like opponents can turn out to be two people protecting something tender.
What a Couples Session Can Look Like
Sessions are active, and the pace stays manageable for both of you. I will not just nod along while you trade the same points, and if I notice a pattern, I will name it, kindly and clearly. We work with real moments from your week rather than abstract complaints, and each of you gets room to speak without being interrupted or corrected. Some of what we practice together:
- Slowing a recent argument down to the moment it turned
- Naming what you felt right before you reacted
- Saying the need underneath the complaint out loud
- Hearing your partner's fear without defending yourself
- Reaching for each other in a way that can be received
Being Honest About My Background
I want to be straight with you about what I bring. I have almost 2 decades of experience with couples, especially communication and EFT work, but I have never done official couples trainings. What I offer is couples work that draws on Emotionally Focused Therapy ideas, held within the systemic lens of a marriage and family therapist. That means I look at the relationship, the family and the pressures around a problem, not only the two people in the room. If you are looking for something more formal, ask on the consultation and I will tell you honestly whether I am the right fit.
When Trust Has Been Broken
If an affair, hidden spending or a long-running secret has come to light, the person you relied on may now feel like the source of the danger. That changes what couples work needs to do first. We slow down the checking, the replaying and the sleeplessness before anyone makes big decisions, and then work on what you want to decide, whether that is repair or a clear-eyed exit. For the partner who was betrayed, betrayal trauma therapy is the work I take on most deliberately. Faith, forgiveness and reconciliation enter the conversation only if you want them to.
When the Argument Is About the Kids
Parenting tension can become its own recurring argument. One of you becomes the strict one and the other the soft one, and the gap between you can widen each time it is tested. The same approach applies here. Underneath a disagreement about bedtimes or screens there is often a fear for the children and a need to feel backed up by each other. Sometimes that work stays between the two of you. Sometimes the whole household needs room, and family therapy in Austin brings everyone into the conversation.
Formats and Couples Rates
Couples sessions happen in person at my Southwest Austin office on Fridays and some select other times and days as schedules allow, or by secure video anywhere in Texas, with both of you located in Texas during the session. Walk-and-talk is not suitable for couples counseling, so couples work stays in the office or on screen. Every service begins with an 80-minute initial assessment at $275. After that, couples sessions are $215 for 50 minutes or $300 for 80 minutes. You can read more about couples therapy in Austin, and every fee is listed on the rates page.
Common Questions
What is your background in couples work?
I have almost 2 decades of experience with couples, especially communication and EFT work, but I have never done official couples trainings. My couples work draws on Emotionally Focused Therapy ideas within the systemic lens of a marriage and family therapist.
Can couples sessions happen on a walk?
No. Walk-and-talk is not suitable for couples counseling. Couples sessions happen in person at my Southwest Austin office or by secure video, with both of you located in Texas during the session.
What do couples sessions cost?
The first appointment is an 80-minute initial assessment at $275. After that, couples sessions are $215 for 50 minutes or $300 for 80 minutes, paid at the time of service. Monthly superbills are available for possible out-of-network reimbursement.
Do we need to decide whether to stay together before we start?
No. When trust has been broken, steadiness comes before big decisions. We slow things down first, then work on what you want to decide, whether that is repair or a clear-eyed exit.
The consultation is free and there is no obligation on either side.
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